Couple's Privilege
The idea that somebody in an “official” relationship is inherently more valuable that somebody who is “just dating”. Sometimes this is legitimate (somebody you share a bank account with probably should have more of a say over your finances than an independent partner), sometimes less so (if you got drunk in Vegas and married a total stranger, it might not be the best idea to ditch your lifelong friends because “the label of ‘spouse’ means that they outrank you”)
Don't Ask Don't Tell (aka DADT)
A style of polyamory were you and your partner don’t discuss your other partnerships - you don’t know who or how many people they are dating (if anybody at all), just that they will occasionally go off the grid and do their own thing sometimes.
Kind-of the opposite of Kitchen Table.
Escalator (aka Relationship Escalator)
The idea that a traditional relationship will go through several milestones, in a set order, with each milestone being more “serious” than the last (dating - “I love you” - marriage - living together - having children - dying together).
In monogamous relationships there is often an expectation that couples will ride to the top of the escalator together – any relationship which doesn’t tick all of those boxes, in that order, is a failure – it is a waste of time to take the first step of “dating” if you don’t intend to go all the way to the end with that person.
Friend with Benefits (aka FWB)
A relationship which is mostly the same as standard platonic friendship, but includes a little bit extra, almost always sex (If the benefit is something else, it’s normally specified, like “friends with financial benefits” might be friends who share a bank account)
Hinge
A person who is in the middle of a polycule with connections to multiple other people
Kitchen Table (aka KTP)
A style of polyamory where the polycule also happens to be a friend group - the idea that you might not be in love with your partner’s other partner’s, but you’d still be comfortable going to dinner as a group.
Kind-of the opposite of don’t ask don’t tell.
Metamour
A lover’s other lover. In the case that Alice and Charlie are both dating Bob (but not each other), then Alice and Charlie would be each other’s metamours.
Milestone
A significant event in a relationship which indicates that things have become “more serious” than before the milestone was reached.
Some examples could include:
- First kiss
- Putting their house in your satnav’s “favourites” list
- Having access to each other’s online calendars
- Leaving clothes at a partner’s house
- Signing legal contracts together
- Having children
- Having keys to each-other’s houses
- Going on holiday together
- Meeting friends / family
- Having a custom notification on your phone
Nesting Partner (aka NP, Birb)
A partner who you live with
Neurodiverse (aka ND)
People with non-typical brains (Autism, ADHD, etc). This isn’t really a polyamory thing, except that a huge percentage of polyamarous people tend to be on one of these spectrums.
New Relationship Energy (aka NRE)
The excitement and energy and butterflies in the stomach that come from dating a new person, getting to know them, doing all sorts of things for the first time. It can be a lot of fun, but can also be a form of intoxication and lead to biased decisions and neglect of existing relationships if it isn’t managed carefully.
One Penis Policy (aka OPP)
A lot of cishet men who are new to polyamory will come into it with a mindset of “my girlfriend dating another woman is hot, but another man is a threat”, and so they will attempt to protect their position at the top of the heirachy by not allowing their partner to date any other penis-owners.
Polyamory
“Poly” (many) + “amor” (love) - the practice of having multiple love-filled relationships with the knowledge and consent of all involved.
Polycule
The collection of people who are dating each other, so named because the graph can end up looking like a molecule
Primary
A relationship which is explicitly declared to be more important and have priority over others; eg Alice is married to Bob, they live together with children; Bob is Alice’s primary partner, but she also dates other people with no intention to ride the relationship escalator with those others.
Solo Poly
Polyamory where your primary relationship is with yourself – typically this means living alone, having multiple partners who stay over as guests but none of them being inherently more important than the others.
Triad
Three people in a relationship together - notable for having an extra layer of challenge because as well as A-B, B-C, and C-A, there is the overall A-B-C relationship to consider.
Unicorn Hunting
The practice of a couple looking for a third to fit into their existing dynamic, implicitly for the couple’s benefit rather than the benefit of all involved
Unicorn
Most typically an attractive, single, bisexual woman, who is looking to date a couple, to improve the couple’s lives while having no needs of her own
V (aka Vee)
Three people dating in the form A-B and B-C, but not A-C. In this case Bob would be referred to as the hinge